As a woman who has spent close to 2 decades being in community with others who are looking for the truth and also being a woman who thrives on sitting with other women in inquiry, I felt like a caged animal. The panic of being closed in again caused me to immediately abandon myself in search for safety and security. It took a few weeks for me to realize that I was willingly building my own cage. I was constructing the cage with all the old material I had spent so many years re writing. But there it was, masquerading as a helpful hero with all the steps needed to come out of this alive. Falling back into what I have heard my whole life about responsibility, reliability and security. It was not there to help, it was there to pull me back into what the world has always wanted from me, a good girl who contributes, who takes care of her obligations and is not too much. It was the constructs of all the old conditioning coming to tame me. And caging the wildness that is me, is a death that I cannot bear. I have spent too many years prying the bars of that cage open, over and over, and I cannot, I will not go back in. So what do I do with my wild self while I am in isolation? How do I ensure I do not betray myself?
How I see it in my imagination is like this. I am separated from my wolf pack right now. I am veering off from my pack, as are all my sisters. There is a strong need for space right now, quarantine enforced or otherwise. So I am using this space to re-establish my estranged relationship with Mother Earth, to hone my primal senses and to devote myself to my instincts. I am deepening my relationship with the divine feminine daily. This is what I am being called to do and so I must. It is a calling from deep inside and I have been mining this woman out for the last 20 years and I will not silence her again.
This must be done alone. We cannot rely on the pack to validate us or navigate this for us. This is the time to go within, get quiet and listen deeply. Whatever your soul is calling you to do right now you must do. That deep knowing will not lead you astray because it is whispering what is true for you in a language only you can interpret. It is your soul's story and it needs to be lived out through only you. So use this time to cultivate trust with the woman you are, not the one you've been told to be. Give her a voice. Give her space to be bold and seen. Give her space to be too much, too loud, too wild. This is a time to re engage with our absolute birthright to belong to ourselves first, then the collective belonging that we all long for can follow.
We must be alone right now so that when the time comes to emerge from our dens we know ourselves more intimately and we are clear on what our work in the world is to be. When we are ready to come together in our pack and lead the way to a new world we will know what our role is and we will not abandon ourselves or our sisters again. This is the only way that we can create what the world has been longing for. A world that truly belongs to all of us. A world where we take up space, without apology. A beautiful world that is built on fairness, on all of us having a voice. A world that sees each Being as worthy of love and belonging, no little or more so, than any other Being. A just world, built on the dance between the divine feminine and masculine, because that is what is essential to thrive. This is what we need in order to return from the Wastelands. The deep intimate touch of women who will not be silenced into line again.
This is our opportunity to stay the course and do what we are called to do. To paint, to draw, to dance, to sing, to build. To create. To connect to our beloveds. To tend to our own neglected hearts. To drink up the stars and breathe the night air into every cell of our body. To put our hands deep into the earth and to howl at the moon. To cultivate a love within ourselves so deep that when we emerge we can wrap up the broken pieces and mend this world. A healing that can only come from a woman's hands and heart. A woman who is fully embodied. That will be her gift to the world.
This is the necessary work of women right now.
It is time for something new.
Something even more beautiful than we remember.
Stay brave wild woman, you are needed more than ever.